I know that I'm late for the after-party , BUT after the same critics who loved
YES, this will be a ( sort of & spoiler-free ) review of a movie released in June , deal with it ! Also, if you're pun sensitive, to the Phantom Zone with you .
First of all , some preliminary ( & sometimes minor ) stuff from news and trailers :
- The suit looks good , a bit dark for my taste , but resembles the New 52 Superman outfit , minus the belt. And yes , the cape is CG , because Ryan Reynolds wants his Green Lantern mask back.
|Don't mind the red text|
- Christopher Nolan is "just" a producer , so he's like Fredo to Snyder's Michael Corleone ( don't quote me on this, I don't want cut out Zack Snyder heads under my pillow in the morning ) . -This is made clear by the movie's ending.- . Also, cut Zachy boy some slack. Granted ,he isn't the brightest light bulb on the directorial chandelier , but he did make good ( Dawn of the Dead ) , decent ( Watchmen ) movies too and let's apply the first rule of Fight Club on Sucker Punch , hoping he learned his lesson. After all, what does the 'S' stand for ?
- Goyer writing the script doesn't mean a thing. Remember , he wrote Blade Trinity and that Hasselhoff Nick Fury movie before the Batman trilogy. On the other hand , composer Hans Zimmer brings guaranteed orchestral genius to the table , which is important for the atmosphere.
- No Kryptonite , at all. Superman's true weakness starts with a B and ends with ATMAN anyway. Don't believe me?
|Supes after finding out that he'll be pitched against the dark knight himself.|
- JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESUS ... really . The parallel remains . He's sent to us by his omniscient father ... when he's a baby ... to be bullied , yet to , if necessary , sacrifice himself for humanity. Did I mention he's 33 years old in the movie ?
|"Do you have time to talk about our Lord and Savior , Superman ? " - Jesus Christ|
So, after a deep and meaningful exposition , let's jump into my action-packed review. ( this feels familiar... ).
And I'll start with the film's biggest flaw : it clearly can be split into 2 short films :
1. A sci-fi character drama about an alien trying to fit into society while struggling to contain and control his superhuman abilities. So this is what the first 4/5 seasons of Smallville should've been . The fact that it's handled via non-chronological flashback gives it dynamism , so it never becomes stale or boring. We even see an awesome version of Krypton, which actually looks alien , unlike Michael Shannon's ( General Zod ) screaming tantrums. Also , Russel Crowe is a badass Jor-El.
|Talk about bearing the cross. |
Also, that statue totally makes fun of little, caped Clark.
But that lasts for like 15 minutes, the real highlights are the Kents ( played by Kevin Costner and Diane Lane ) and all the child actors whom I don't even want to kill. Good job , Warner ! I know I haven't said much of Cavill up until this point , but he doesn't have much to do in this part of the movie , but when he's on screen , he's serviceable and the emphasis is more on the struggles of young / teenage Clark . We get to see the man ( /boy ) with godlike powers constantly get bullied and emotionally tortured by idiots , assholes and kids , which makes us see his vulnerability and desire to distance himself from us.
When he's an adult though he ( sort of ) loses his cool once.
|Superman is a dick to trucks. Thank Michael Bay for that..|
Also , some citizens of Smallville ( sort ) of know who Clark really is. That's actually a refreshing and , if you think about it, logical take on the situation. At the end of this almost masterfully put together first hour there's a strange death scene however , which is justified in the movie , but I can see people having an issue with it.
2. Here come the problems.( and not just the not ginger Jenny Alsen ). This is basically an alien invasion / action movie in which Snyder let's his inner child blow shit up , just without the slow mo.
I'm just going to say : the action is great , made even better with the HD handheld camera perspective and the sound audio effects ( along with Hans Zimmer's score of course ) and the CGI is amazing. Thrown punches really do have impact and combatant characters don't look like rag dolls on ropes ( I'm looking at you , X Men Origins). Amy Adams is the best Lois Lane in a long time , Laurence Fishburne plays a great white
|Not quite this awesome though.|
Now for the major ( yet minor ... Well, fuck you too ! ) flaws :
- Superman punches Zod into Smallville when there's nothing but wide open ( uninhabited ) fields surrounding them.That's now very cost or human life friendly there, Clarkie. AND right after this Martha Kent remains with Faora and a Kryptonian Pain and Gain reject AND THEY DON'T KIDNAP HER ; because who needs leverage against Superman ?.
- Necessary ( almost like racism in Transformers ) military-bro eye bonding moments.
|Nothing says America more than the good old ( red,white & ) Blue Steel.|
|SUPER JESUS !|
- Unnecessarily long action scene with a dubstep squid robot / ship , but I'm okay with that. Even spell check hates dubstep and so should Superman. If Skrillex is Lex Luthor in Batman vs Superman , I'm giving it 10/10 right now , because yes , dubstep is humanity's biggest enemy. Right after Adam Sandler.
- The only Kryptonian scientist has a ( glorious and ) heavy German accent ; in case you haven't noticed that the genocidal aliens with superiority complex are space nazis.
- Another controversial death scene that really could have been executed
- More people die than there are Justin Bieber fans in Kansas , yet they don't get any kind of a memorial service or ceremony and that's just cold .If the movie specified they really were Girl Wonder followers, it would be a different story.
|So here's one.|